just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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