wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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