He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
