It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
