Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
