i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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