youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
