Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
