Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
