You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
