did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
