just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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