im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if only i could text you this smell
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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