you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
