i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
