I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
