yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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