make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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