i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize