wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
