I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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