Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
