Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
