so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
