I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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