if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
