It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
