Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
