you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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