90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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