btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
