i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
