I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
