hotel room ftw
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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