She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
