ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ttyl tear gas
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
