I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ugly people sure do ruin things
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone signed my nipple.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
