you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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