i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
