She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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