We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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