I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
where does the pee come out of this thing
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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