the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
