so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
