it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
