I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
