i already hear my dad disowning me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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