i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
