Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize