Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
