Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
