I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
