i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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