My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
