apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
