yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
