I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
