with your own penis?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
