on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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