I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
