There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
