why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
